Teenage Disrespect: A Mentorship Parenting Approach to Handling It

Mother upset with daughter using smartphone at breakfast table with food.

Disrespect from preteens and teenagers is a common challenge parents face. While this behavior is frustrating and hurtful, it also presents an opportunity to guide our children with a mentorship parenting approach—one that fosters respect, understanding, and long-term growth rather than just enforcing obedience.

Understanding Teenage Disrespect

Adolescents are in a stage of life where they are asserting independence, testing boundaries, and navigating big emotions. Their disrespectful behavior is often a symptom of deeper frustrations, struggles with autonomy, or unmet emotional needs. Rather than reacting with anger or punishment, mentorship parenting calls for a calm and intentional response that focuses on guiding rather than controlling.

Steps to Address Disrespect Using Mentorship Parenting

A mother and teenage daughter having a discussion while having breakfast at home.

1. Stay Calm and Model Respect

Your response sets the tone. Reacting with anger escalates the situation, while responding with calmness models the respect you expect from them. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is a teaching moment, not a personal attack.

2. Identify the Root Cause

Before jumping to consequences, seek to understand why your child is acting out. Are they overwhelmed with schoolwork? Do they understand the assignment they are working on? Are they Feeling powerless? Approach them with curiosity rather than accusation:
“I see you’re really frustrated right now. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

3. Set Boundaries with Empathy

Respect does not mean permissiveness. Boundaries are necessary, but they should be communicated with understanding. For instance:
“I understand you’re upset about your homework, but flipping me off is not okay. Let’s talk about how you’re feeling and find a solution together.” The emphasis here is that you are on the same team.

4. Shift from Power Struggles to Problem-Solving

Instead of engaging in a battle of wills, empower your child by involving them in problem-solving. Ask:
“What’s making homework feel so difficult? What would help you get through it?”
This approach helps them feel heard and teaches them critical thinking and responsibility.

5. Make Homework Their Responsibility

It is crucial to make it clear that homework is their choice and responsibility. While you are there to support and guide them, it is not your job to force them to do their assignments. Their decisions have natural consequences, and failing to complete homework affects them alone. Let them experience those consequences, such as a lower grade, having to take summer classes,etc. while maintaining a supportive role.

Teenage girl in blue hood reads in library, headphones and apple by her side.

6. Use Privileges as Motivation

Adopt a “first A, then B” approach. If your child asks to go to a friend’s house or use electronics, respond with:
“Sure, I’d love to take you to your friend’s house. First, you need to complete your homework.”
Taking away all electronics, phones, and privileges until homework is completed reinforces responsibility and natural consequences. It is always easier to give something for positive behavior, than to take something away for negative behavior. Each night all electronics should be checked in and each day the child can earn screen time or other privileges. They do not get these things until the tasks are done

7. Work with Teachers to Enforce Natural Consequences

If possible, communicate with teachers about your approach and ask them to uphold natural consequences, such as grading incomplete work accordingly. If the mom is also the teacher in this situation, it is important to create clear distinctions between the “parent role” and the “teacher role.” This can be done by:

Setting clear, scheduled study times and expectations as if the child were in a traditional classroom.
Using objective grading criteria to ensure fairness.
Allowing the child to face academic consequences without personal involvement.
Encouraging self-discipline by letting them manage their workload while providing structure.

8. Strengthen Your Connection

A joyful family enjoys preparing a healthy meal together in their modern kitchen.

Often, disrespect is a sign that your child feels disconnected. Find ways to strengthen your relationship outside of conflict—spend one-on-one time together, show interest in their hobbies, and make sure they feel valued beyond their performance in school.

9. Teach Emotional Regulation

Help your child develop coping skills for their anger and frustration. Teach them techniques like deep breathing, journaling, or taking a break before responding. When they see you handle stress calmly, they are more likely to mirror that behavior.

The Long-Term Impact of Mentorship Parenting

When we approach disrespect with understanding rather than punishment, we teach our children emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, and accountability. This does not mean excusing bad behavior—it means addressing it in a way that fosters growth. Parenting is not about controlling our children, but mentoring them into becoming respectful and responsible adults.

Disrespectful behavior is a challenge, but it is also an opportunity to teach lifelong skills. By staying calm, setting boundaries, and fostering connection, we can guide our teens through these difficult moments with wisdom and love. If you want a “Cheat Sheet” for how to deal with common problems using mentorship parenting I have one here Mentorship Parenting 101: How to Address Common Behavioral Issues – Grieve.Grow.Glow