If there is one thing I have struggled with in my life, it is unconditionally loving and accepting myself (even though I haven’t always realized it). I grew up having very low self-esteem and feeling like I was never good enough. Over the years, loving myself has gotten easier and easier. If you are struggling with this too, here are some steps that may make it easier for you, too:
Step 1: Find and work on your life purpose – I can’t tell you the confidence that comes from discovering what you’re here on this Earth to do! To be clear, your life purpose will take many forms over the course of your lifetime. But the themes and qualities of your life purpose have always been there. Many of my clients report that they were attracted to their life purpose as children. For instance, I memorized HTML code (for websites) when I was 10 and had an online advice column called “Bug Me”. I fibbed and said I was older…young teenagers would write me and ask for life advice. This was back in the day of dial-up and American Online 2.0! Since I was very young, I have always loved helping others. That has always been a theme in my life. So even if you don’t know your full life purpose, look for the themes. What have you enjoyed spending your time on? What makes you feel good? This is your soul speaking to you! Carve out time to do those things more often…and you will be well on your way to discovering your life purpose/life’s work if you don’t know it already. If you need help with this, I’d be happy to do a session with you around this.
Step 2: Listen to your body – Your body is constantly sending you messages through your feelings. Unfortunately, empaths/the women who are attracted to me as a resource often train themselves to disconnect from their bodies at a young age. This is because being empathic causes you to be hyper-aware of the energies around you. When you are young and don’t know how to manage your energetic sensitivity (remember, this stuff isn’t taught in schools!), it can be really overwhelming. So we disconnect from our bodies and miss all of the amazing guidance it is sending to us via our and feelings. Practice spending time reconnecting with your body by asking her what she needs. Be aware that you may not receive any answers while the connection is re-establishing itself. Stick with it, and you’ll be able to hear your body over time.
Step 3: Say “no” when you want to – This is a huge one that many empathic women have a hard time with. Because we can physically feel in our body when people are upset, we tend to be people pleasers. This leads us to saying “yes” when we want to say “no”. If this is a regular practice for us, subconsciously we are telling ourselves that everyone else’s needs are more important than our own. It’s no wonder we can have a hard time loving ourselves! I know it seems dramatic, but look at saying “yes” when you want to say “no” as a form of self-betrayal. If you betray yourself over and over again, you’re going to have a hard time trusting yourself. Not trusting ourselves can make it really difficult to find love for ourselves. This is why saying “no” when you want to is so important.
Step 4: Let go of energy sucks – This one is really important. It’s hard to feel confident and full of self-Love when we are drained and depleted. Although it is difficult, try to let go of all the people and circumstances that are draining your energy. This sends your subconscious the message that your energy is valuable and important. As a result, you’ll feel valuable and important. When we are constantly giving away our time and energy to people and not respecting our limits, often those around us don’t appreciate us. By letting go of energy sucks, people will begin to appreciate and respect your time more. When people appreciate you more, it makes it easier to feel self-love.
Step 5: Remember that you are Love – I know we hear all the time that at our core, we are Love. But what does that it even mean? It means that we are born remembering our true essence (love)…and along our journey in life, we pick up ideas around what is required to be loved. This causes a disconnect between who we truly are (Love), which is what causes the uncomfortable emotions we experience when we aren’t fully accepting ourselves. I think this mindset frame helps when things are coming up that make you feel bad about yourself. Instead of looking at loving yourself as a goal, focus on remembering who you truly are. You already are Love, you just have to forget all the conditions you have been taught that make you feel like you aren’t. Every time you are feeling unlovable, know that a belief about what is required to be loved is coming to the surface to be cleared. Use it as an opportunity to get more in alignment with who you truly are, versus making it mean you are unlovable. I know this process can be difficult, and I am always here for you if you need me to walk you through it! <3
I hope these five steps are going to assist you in creating more self-love in your life. Now, over to you…what are some of the steps you’ve taken to create more self-love in your life? What has worked for you? I’d love to know in the comments below 🙂